doubts about them

Sometimes I really wonder when will I really achieve success in life. There are so many doubts in my mind which made me think back of my past. And I get so emotional over them.

I really really really wonder when, you know?
I want to make a fortune, I want make my parents proud of me, I want to be a chef, perhaps the best one. I want to be a chef at the age of 21. But my laziness is failing me. I can't bare to make any sacrifices for my dream.

Sometimes I try to stay back after my shift, so that I can learn more things, but my brain kept telling me:" Juvena, you are tired, go back and sleep." For the first day, I will be like, its okay, tomorrow then I shall stay. But day after day, my mind is still having the same thoughts. I hate it! I want to make myself very determined, I want to excel.

I always feel that nobody actually really understand how I feel. I also don't really know whats going on in me. I felt that I've been having moodswings lately. When I think back about that, I felt really bad for throwing my tantrums on them.

I need to find a way out of this so so so terrible and miserable feeling.
I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS.